After a disaster, children and teenagers experience emotional reactions that vary depending on their age. For instance, distress in a 5-year-old may show itself as more frequent temper tantrumsand difficulty settling before bed; whereas for a 16-year-old, distress may show itself as more sulkiness and irritability. Importantly, children’s feelings and thoughts may not be obvious to others.

Indeed, some children don’t want to add to their parents’ burden and downplay theirfeelings. Below are some examples of how a child’s usual pattern of behaviour can change.

• Behaving younger than you would expect (given their age), or a return to a behaviour seen when they were younger. For example, a previously independent 14-year-old may want to sleep in his parents’ bedroom or a toilet-trained 4-year-old may begin wetting her pants again.
• Clinginess and difficulty separating. Children of all ages may become teary, clingy or angry when required to be separated from their parents (e.g. going to school).
• Sleep disturbances. Children may be unsettled approaching bedtime, have difficulty falling or staying asleep, and may have nightmares (whether about the disaster or about something that is seemingly unrelated).
• Increased irritability and anger. Depending on your children’s ages, you may see increases in temper tantrums, defiance, aggressive behaviours (such as breaking toys, kicking furniture or hitting others). Teenagers may be less tolerant of siblings and/or normal interactions with parents.
• Flashbacks. Children may tell you they are having unwanted images or thoughts related to the disaster. We call these ‘intruder thoughts’ and they can be very upsetting for children.
• Suddenly upset for no obvious reason. The upset may show itself as sadness, anger or fear.
• Specific fears (e.g. clouds, rain, water, wind).
• Avoidance of things, situations or people that a child associates with distressing disaster memories. For example, a child no longer wants to visit their aunt and uncle whose house was destroyed.
• Withdrawal. Children may become unusually quiet and begin spending more time on their own.
• A sense of danger. Children may become preoccupied with the idea that the world is a dangerous, unsafe place. They may seem to be on the ‘look out’ for danger or threat.
• Difficulty concentrating and paying attention. Children may have more difficulty staying on task, listening to instructions or paying attention.
• Sadness. Children may be quicker than usual to become sad about things, whether disaster-related or not.

Children commonly experience one or more of the above reactions in the first days and weeks following a disaster. However, most children will return to their ‘pre-disaster’ patterns of behaviour with time and the support of their parents.

However, there are some common triggers that may remind the child of the events and provoke renewed distress. These may include (but are not limited to):

• Images on the TV of other disasters both local and overseas.
• The 1-year anniversary of the disaster (with the accompanying media attention).
• Subsequent bad weather.
• Birthdays and anniversaries of the deaths of loved ones who died during the disaster.

It is important to know that the recovery from a disaster varies between children, and as families rebuild, there may be a ‘second wave’ of child distress.

If distress persists, the experience of learning to manage their feelings and recover is a powerful lesson for children in terms of their future resilience. Generally, if children’s post-disaster difficulties are still ongoing 3 months after the disaster, we recommend seeking further help.

Children’s reactions differ as a result of what they ‘bring’ to the traumatic event, what they experienced during the event and how the important people around them react to their distress.

Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs there is. Parenting traps may delay children’s recovery. As you will see, a parenting trap is often simply ‘too much’ of something that can be helpful. Being protective towards our children at a time of crisis is essential to ensure their safety. However, being over-protective once the danger has passed can actually make things worse.

Children learn a lot about safety and potential dangers in their world from parents and other family members. Here are some traps to watch out for when helping children deal with disaster.

• Encouraging children to talk too much about their fears and worries. Too much attention to children’s fears and distress can be unhelpful and can encourage them to dwell on these feelings.
• Discouraging all talk about the event in the belief that this will help the family get back to normal. This gives the message that either the parent is still too upset to talk about it and/or the child should not be having these post-disaster feelings.
• Being over-protective long after the danger has gone (e.g. wanting children to stay with you at all times) gives children the message that the danger still exists.
• Talking at length to your children about your own fears and distress. It’s OK to share your own feelings as well, but within limits. Do not introduce new things for children to worry about.

Children need to know that their parents are coping, otherwise they find it hard to feel safe. Children need to learn from their parents that, while dangerous weather events can happen, the world is not always a dangerous place.

When children are distressed by a major event, it is important for parents to reassure them of their safety and be available to them to help them work through the crisis. It is helpful to:

• Allow your child to be upset.
• Ask your child to talk about why they are upset. It is important to put some time limits around these conversations. Maybe make a regular time each day to talk about it.
• Make it clear that the danger is now over.
• Show your children that you do not believe there is present danger.
• Do not take over and feel you have to solve their problem or ease their feelings completely.
• Encourage your child to use their individual strengths to cope. Children may feel helpless after a natural disaster. Often, it can be helpful to involve them in the clean-up efforts — this makes children feel useful and as though they have some control over the situation.
• Re-establish as many of your family’s normal routines as possible. Even if you are living somewhere other than your own home, try to make life as normal as you can for your children. For instance, regular school and bedtime routines.
• Give attention and rewards for settled behaviour. Don’t use attention simply as a means of dealing with your children’s distress.
• Be honest. Stick to the facts of what actually happened. Don’t distort or magnify the events that the child experienced.
• Children coping with trauma can feel that they are reacting unnaturally. Assure them their feelings are normal reactions.
• Convey your confidence in children’s ability to manage their distress. Remind them of a time when they showed strength or determination to overcome an obstacle.
• Point out that while your family and others suffered, you and the community are working on bringing things back to normal.
• Make a scrapbook for younger children to draw pictures in or put down thoughts. Again, put some limits around these activities.

• Take care of yourself so you can model positive coping for your children.
• Monitor your children’s exposure to media about the disaster. Although your children’s direct exposure to the actual event was outside of your control, you do have control over what they see in the media.
• Have a family plan for natural disasters, with children having developmentally appropriate tasks. For example, get children to help make an emergency kit (e.g. battery- operated radio, batteries, torch, candles, matches).

Children’s fears and worries about the event are often conveyed through the questions they ask — Am I going to die tonight? Is our house safe? Why did children die? These questions can be hard for parents to answer. Here are some general guidelines for how to respond to children’s questions:

• Answer truthfully. It is generally better to be direct and honest even if the answer is painful.
• Give your child your full attention and listen carefully to what the child is asking.
• Avoid providing too much information.
• If you do not know the answer, offer to find out. Use the internet, talk to friends or neighbours who may know the answer.
• If your child has lost interest in the answer in the meantime, don’t press the information on them.
• Clarify the child’s thoughts about the answer to their question. Sometimes their imaginings are more frightening than the reality. Have peers or an unreliable source told them other information that is frightening?

Here are some ideas to incorporate in your answers. You willneed to use your knowledge of your children (their personalities as well astheir stage of development) and your own family beliefs to make your answers fit withyour children.

Question: Am I going to die tonight?

Key points:

• Think about the past few days. There has been no danger.
• Think about now. There is no current threat.
• Think about how Mum and Dad are acting. We’re not frightened and it’s our job to look after you.
• We get warnings about dangerous weather and there are no warnings.
• We have a family plan.

If you’ve tried these strategies and you’re still concerned about how your child is coping with the disaster, seek professional help. Speak to your family doctor, health practitioner or child’s teacher.

For the small number of children who do not recover naturally, psychological help is useful. Trauma-focused cognitive- behavioural therapy is the psychological approach that has the strongest evidence base. This therapy helps children manage their frightening memories, overcome avoidance and be less fearful.

• It is common for children to experience a range of different emotions and behaviours that may be a change from their ‘pre-disaster’ personality.
• Children look to their parents to figure out how they should react.
• Re-establish as many of your family’s normal routines as quickly as possible.
• Listen to your child and accept their feelings.
• Be supportive and remind them that the adults in their lives love them and that they are safe.
• Make sure your children know the family has a plan for natural disasters and that they have jobs within this plan.
• Most children will recover naturally following the disaster. For the small number who don’t, there is effective psychological help.

If you have any questions or have tried these strategies and are concerned about your child’s progress, contact the service where you were given this tip sheet or visit www.triplep-parenting.net.

© 2021 The University of Queensland

Written by Vanessa E. Cobham, Brett McDermott and Matthew R. Sanders

NOT TO BE COPIED OR REPRODUCED